I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize