It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
