I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
