I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
