the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
