How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
