You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
