I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
