You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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