I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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