I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
