38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
