Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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