Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
