direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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