bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
