do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
