Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park

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(417): View more from Missouri

Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.

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(614): View more from Ohio

every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help

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(310): View more from California

I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.

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(512): View more from Texas

I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.

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(523): View more from

I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for

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