you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
