Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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