I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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