chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
