Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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