the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
