bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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