It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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