well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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