I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
