I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
