i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
