my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
