My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize