Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
