I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
