I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
