i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
