The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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