Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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