i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
