youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
