You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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