it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did i walk over a car last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
