I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
