Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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