I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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