And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
