You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
