He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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