But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
