trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
