Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
