what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We smell like vodka and hangover
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