now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
