when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize