The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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