i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize