I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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