Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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