I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
