His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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