Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
