I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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