Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize