i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everything about him screamed your future.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
