New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
