bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
