i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
