i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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